I'm yours, and I'm not yours

Just had the most lovely moments - I lied in my bed listening to cool, slow songs with my earphones in and it felt so good! Nothing wild lol but so bliss, God damn. It was filled with Joy. and alt-j and lorde, yaaaaas. Funny thing, at first, I was really freaked out because the music was so loud and that stupid babadook thing kept popping up in my head.

Anyways, I had brunch today and there's a brunch place in livo that's so hipster. And it's so our of nowhere and tiny looking. It had nice salads, I wish we got to try the fruit salad.

I should sleep lol, I have to be up in less than 8 hrs for the beach!!!!! I LOVE THE BEACH!!!! I FUCKING LOVE THE OUTDOORS. I LOVE MY FUCKING MUSIC TOO, CHRIST. I'm gonna wear my contacts and my sunnies and take lots of pics so I can IG one LOL

You know what's strange? So I have this guy who I have casual sex with right? And sometimes I feel a bit ashamed of him but like why? Maybe it's his age. But I'm realising now how insulting that is. I enjoy my time with him a lot. And I like calling him my daddy LOL Not to his face but it's so fun. We're from different eras, how crazy is that? He's a 70's kid!!!

And you know what I feel unreasonably ashamed of too? The fact that I'm gonna pursue some sort of a writing career and do an arts degree. I still lie to people saying that I'm gonna do arts/education. What kind of bullshit is that? I'm sorry to those I lied to. It just slips and idk. I wonder how I'm gonna tell my parents. I won't let them stop me, I know that. But they do need to know. And my brother. These talks are gonna suck. It's legit more nerve racking than coming out for me omg.

All my fake friends and all of their noise,
Complain about work.
They're studying business, I study the floor.

And you haven't stopped smoking all night.

I went to see diplo and I'm starting to fear that I need to peak to have fun and oh dear. Diplo was pretty damn good tho. I really should have peed. It was so fucking hot in home night club, Christ. Okay, I'm done, night.

BEACH!!!!!!