Ooft I went on a trip down memory lane thru this blog and read my posts about Juan - poooooor fkn Juan - who is now Fran - poor poor Fran. I'm the worst LOL But they're doing well now. At least I didn't kill em. And yay we're friends now, and growing together.
Anyways, we're halfway thru 2023!
Whoof, what a year.
What a year.
Why is life moving SO fast.
In one half of a year, I got threatened on the subway, I've had an on again off again FRIENDSHIP that caused both parties so much stress, went back to Aus for World Pride (so all that - at least a wonderful highlight), been femme af much more (I wore a bikini! In public! Two of my male friends told me to do ass exercises.) and to top it off my sex life has been the most gratifying it's ever been but as always, I yearn mostly for love :(
Okay, let's do a proper update. With a copy of my pilllarrssss:
- work
- home
- lovelife
- friends
WORK
Work sucks, I'm not really editing at all, I'm just doing social media and I find tiktok kinda icky so I don't like doing it - and i think my closer workmates are judging me for it 😬 because I guess it's my job LMAO but I hate it and they told me I would edit and I've done a whatever charity video, and a few social media videos for Versace...
I think there is a chance to go to a post-production company that's opening soon. A director on my current production company's roster - this old Romanian man - is opening another branch of an existing VFX/Post company in Berlin. I'm unsure because although it'll be a step closer to what I want to do, it'll be in advertising. But at least I'll get out of advertising. The advantage I have is I know that the director wants me... I think in all kinds of the word? But hey, might as well uuuuuuuuse that, #transrights He is kinda hard to work with though, sometimes. Doesn't listen. But it's fine, I will grow as an editor. and get paid. And! It'll be super close to where I'm about move to!
HOME
Okay so I'm moving out in October. I'm verryyyy sad to be leaving this apartment because it was a nice apartment but sadly, Pablo is just toooooo hard to depend on - and he called dibs on the apartment because his dad found it 🙄 And he made it clear from the start that if he got a girlfriend and wanted the apartment, he would get it. That was his mistake because it planted a seed of unease in our "friendship", and now he's losing a flatmate that he admits he liked living with. I'm a nice, considerate person, friend and flatmate 😠
Anyways I'm moving to a much smaller room and I have to sell the furniture I accumulated 😢 BUT the positives heavily outweigh the negatives. I'm moving in with my Spanish friend Sara (they/them) and a Turkish girl Rengen. It's gonna be so fkn nice. I think I'm gonna get a welcome brunch 😭 It's gonna be such a cute household, Sara's already teaching me how to sew. Omg I love my friends. Speaking of!
LOVELIFE
Hm, tricky as always. I still haven't found love, and it gets to me, But for right at this moment, I'm pretty okay. I'm currently having the most gratifying sex life ever. I'm pretty much having sex with two men who are complete fantasies. The first one is Rodrigo, a big-dicked super charming Chilean man with a wife and kid lel, which actually makes it so easy. Here's why: He's kinda of a god in bed. Or at least he makes me see god, don't know if it's him but it feels like it 😭😭😭 Anyways, he's just like an athlete who's good at this sport - and I'm so thankful to have it. Seriously, it feels like free therapy and i find myself asking, did I do something good??? Was I a monk in my past life???? And back to my point, it's so much easier that he has a family (the wife knows of course) because idk I'm just happy he's spreading his skills around - the world needs to heal. Plus I just have no feelings for this man - would be much different if we dated, and it wouldn't work. So I'm quite THANKFUL. Because he's not my perfect man. But he is a very understanding and kind person, and he said he's so happy with our friendship and I feel the same.
And then there's Matt! Who I met on Feeld. Rodrigo I met on Grindr. Matt's also super hot, he looks like a move star 😭😭😭 He's a bit more submissive than Rodrigo, which is good because I get the beeeeest of both worlds. We have vers sex, it's super nice, I love it. He also just happens to be my year 12 2012 tumblr crush come to life, a bit older. He also has a kid! He and Rodrigo both work with bikes for a living. They both love my peepee 😭😭😭😅😅 It's a very validating bonus.
But yeah no love yet, would love to be loved.
FRIENDS
I think I'm good. I'm a bit mad at my coworker who's my closest friend there because I feel often judged by her - but I think I'm just mad because she's right. Anyways, otherwise, I'm doing pretty well here. Admittedly, it's so hard to keep in contact with people because it's summer and everything's just moving so fast. But actually, I'm managing. I hope the weather will permit a picnic on Sunday for when I hang out with Barbara. I'm going to see Barbie with my coworker, the same one (I should apologise). And now my friend Lauren is joining - who is a friend of my close Croatian friend Ante. Omg I'm so lucky and loved 🥰🥰🥰 I miss my Sydney friends as well but actually, Jess is coming to Berlin!!! I hope she decides to stay throughout the weekend, and leave on Tuesday or something. They're going to leave on a freaking friday??? Or something - BS. I'm not having it. I'm paying for Jess' extended trip - I'm already hosting her!!!
I'm going to add a new category now - SELF
So I'm kinda going thru a transition in life. I've always been afraid to transition because I'm scared that I'm not making the right decision - that I'm not being honest with myself. But you know what, as per ALWAYS, I do what I want - and I want so badly to be a kickass woman. I am a kickass woman. I'm fkn sick. Look at me and say it with me WOMEN'S RIGHTS, RIGHTS TO OUR BODIES, TRANS BODIES ARE BEAUTIFUL, I'M BEAUTIFUL. Did you repeat it? I think I'll go with she/her pronouns soon, but I don't know what to do with my name. I have an emotional attachment with my name because me mum chose it :( After Prince Will of the famous Prince Brothers. Anyways, can I rock it as a unisex name? Not really. I considered Lucy for some time now... But it makes me think of Lucy Liu, the at-a-time most fetishized asian woman in the world. She is beautiful though, they were right. Lucy Tran. Hmmmm Wait I think I know a Lucy Tran? Turns out not yay. But anyways, I just have to be honest with myself and how I feel. I have a feeling I'll regret not having done it sooner. Maybe at this new job.
Okay that's your update you animals. I miss you guys a lot. I'm so excited to see you in Berlin, Jess!
Tchüss!
