It's almost 6am, i can't sleep

Tis the season for terrible Christmas retail and straight after work today, I napped and now it's the next day and I still can't sleep! How silly!!

Anyways, I don't really blog much anymore and tbh, does anyone apart from Jess and maybe Maria still read these? 

So:

• I've finished uni. I'm very proud of my graduation film, Nature Boy. Here's the logline (like a one sentence description)

Desperate for closure, Other Boy sinks into depression, denial and delusion. Tonight, as dreams manifest into reality, Nature Boy for better or worse, finally picks up.

I wrote and directed it, did the produciton design and edited it too. I love my actors even tho I wish the acting was more gay, I loved that they the two boys had such good on screen chemistry???? I love love love my music!! When I was doing a small editing job at the sydney film festival, I was looking for independent sydney artists because they seemed the most likely to give us permission to use their music in a video, and I came across this artist called Lonelyspeck. I liked his music but it didn't work for the SFF video so instead, I asked if he would do Nature Boy. I made a very professional looking proposal type thing and I had Eeh look over it to make sure there was enough info. And he was keen!!!! And the score is so good!!!!!!!!!! He's on spotify and I think has something to do with Triple J Unearthed. 

Anyways, I also had a sound designer who was separate from AFTRS and I hate the sound design but well... yeah, we move on.

I honestly have no idea what to do with it now tho lol I missed the deadline for next years mardi gras film fest comp so..... that devastates me but fkn oh well right?

• I've been spending my holidays not doing anything???? I feel as if I shouldn't relax because there are so many job opportunities coming up for January but I really just want to not think about it until the new year but in the back of my mind, I'm thinking - APPLY NOW OR IT'LL BE TOO LATE, U IDIOT!!!!
• During this late night/early morning spell, I was thinking how cool would it be to just apply for jobs overseas and at the sight of a paying editing job or whatever, I could just drop everything and GO. My old mardi gras film festival boss is working in San Francisco at a queer film festival and it would be so nice to just be like can I haz job pls??? And to get one and go!!!!!!! I started dreaming and thinking about all the luggage I'd have to bring for all my clothes (for some reason I really wanted to bring my big pink coat even tho it would take up way too much space and I always think it's too flashy when I do rarely wear it) I'd also be sooooooo keen for the san fran drage scene which brings us to our next point...
• I'm getting more and more into drag. Basically, this year was the year I started watching Rupaul's Drag Race. Oof baboof, there's a lot to say here. Okay, so, I've been doing makeup for a few years now, dabbling in women's clothing here and there - but it's never been drag. After watching the show, my eyes have been opened to the many many layers of drag and drag as an artform. Tbh, I doubt I'll become an actual professional drag queen because then I'd have to perform (ah!) and it would take up so much time and money. But at the same time, I do want to continue blurring gender lines and breaking constructs and I feel as if I don't go all the way to drag, I'll never be complete. By going all the way, I mean using hip pads, wearing heels, blocking out my boy brows. 

Whenever I think about rupauls now I feel as if I've been watching it forever??? (I'm actually obsessed, I've watched seasons five to nine twice now, wtf) But in reality, I started watching it with maria during our japan korea trip lmaooooo which was only a few months ago in june, oops.)

I realised I get so giddy when I'm about to do makeup now lol Like it makes me so happy to paint my face and have fun with it.

I really enjoy the concept of drag being a painting of a woman too, as opposed to just being impersonation.

Also, after much consideration, I have a drag name! It's 'Queen of Durries' I like it because it's so silly and funny and I've always wanted a drag name that wasn't a woman's name (but also I lowkey still want a cute girl name so I'm Queenie D for short lmao) I also want to elevate my drag to being just really ethereal and high fashion and I want my makeup game to be gagworthy and I like the idea of matching this high drag aesthetic with the name queen of durries lol

Anyways,

• I went to Japan and Korea with Maria!!!! I feel like I should've made individual posts for them like I did with the europe trip, But ceebs!

Also, I was actually so busy in my last sem which I love!!!! I loved how hectic it was and how I just had to keeeeep working to get my film done. V satisfying.

Anyways, the trip was great. It was a little tough on our relationship, Maria and I, but ultimately strengthening. 

I realised how much I thrive on the party and how much I hate being alone in social settings (but that second thing is normal right?) But ofc, there's no-one I would've wanted to go on the trip with more. Oh, something Maria opened me up to recently is the idea that your significant other doesn't have to be your soulmate and your soulmate doesn't have to be your significant other - giving way to the notion of a platonic soul mate. And tbh, I had always felt that Maria was my soulmate but until now, it was never properly realised or put in words. Anyways, that worked well in our trip because it was just a lot of gallery hopping and food, and coffee and makeup and taking it easy and caps. 

Also I'm a terrible person to travel with hahahahhaha I have to admit, Maria planned 98% of the trip and the best days were mostly her ideas and when I had to plan a day, it was shit lol sorry!!!!! Even Kurosawa which wasn't on Maria's itinerary wasn't my idea but a recommendation from Michail lol 

Even the idea of going to hip hop clubs was hers lmao I'm such a bad travel buddy omg

Anyways!!!!! I do have my film photos that I still need to upload so hopefully I remember to do that lol

Ummmmmmmmmmm

I'm gonna be acting in this thing in Jan - it's a fashion film and the concept is that when you dress and express yourself in a very queer way in public, you often have to carry a weapon with you because the world is terrible like that. In terms of fashion, three designers are making garments that are specifically made to represent the individual wearing them and along with it, a weapon to match. I'm one of those individuals!!!! I'm very excited but also v nervous because I am really bad at acting you guys. I realised during my time at AFTRS, I am not good lol

Okay I think i'll stop here. I'm gonna proofread and try to sleep. The worst part!!! is that I have a nine hour christmas eve shift at 1:30 so fkn rip BYE enjoy this pic from Nature Boy

It's almost 7 now btw.....

Smol thing 2

When I used to play Habbo Hotel, an online SOCIAL game, I used to shorten all my words because ~~Internet Slang~~ and that included saying come as cum.

Also, I used to play with a female avatar to start relationships with boys only to tell them I was lesbian.

Smol things with bop~

Smol thing

I'm often worried that when I wear makeup with black clothes, I'll come off as goth so I try my hardest to veer away from any emo revivals. Just a smol thing with William Tran.

Life Update

Uni semester is going swimmingly. I'm doing eh in my core subjects which doesn't bother me and I've aced 2/3 electives - the third one I haven't been assessed on yet. This is good because they're within fields that I do want to pursue - editing, design and directing.

I was talking to somebody about my life once and I came to the realisation that my life is at a good place. I'm doing well in school, I don't dread any classes and I look forward to the future. I also had just finished the first complete draft of my project script and was very proud :) Tmr, I'm working with a couple of acting students to do a test shoot which fingers crossed will go well. I'm sweatin' bullets.

Re: My life being in a good place --> I also realised that I don't need to be a gaffer or a camera operator or a super technical person on a set to thrive in this industry. I can design and edit shit and never have to touch a piece of equipment on a set ever. :)

As for my love life - BLAH, WHO NEEDS IT.

I'm also very excited for Japan and Korea in a couple months time~~~~~~~ NO WAIT IT'S NEXT MONTH!!!!!!!

I really really hope oozy_tattoo will tattoo us. Or me, at least me.

Coles is fine.

Apart from all that, there's really not a lot to say.

Friends are cool. Maria has access to labradors so that's nice.

The other day I couldn't find Eva for a while in our tiny backyard and so I immediately thought she passed and my mother got rid of the body without telling me or my brother. At first, I tried to stay calm but I couldn't help but jump to the conclusion that my dog had died. So after that, I tried accepting that she was old and it was bound to happen one day, it's just how things are but then I was overwhelmed by a feeling of 'I'm not ready for this'. I just wasn't fucking ready. And then I found Eva's new sleeping spot! She's fluffy now that it's closer to Winter.

Do seasons need to capitalised?

Will

New Years Resolutions

Here's a list of things I wanna do to better myself that I believe I can stick to.

1. Develop a skin routine or something to help me out here.
2. Better body? Shore.
3. More vegetarian meals. Or just eat less meat. Same same.
4. Learn how to contour lmao
5. Get my P's!!!
6. Better my posture
7. Keep my oral hygiene up, i keep fking up me gums
8. Try to whiten me teeth, get me some of that activated charcoal
9. Up my photography skillz
10. I guess I should also up my film skillz lol

It's odd, when I thought this up last night in bed, I completely forgot it was my final year at aftrs. Tbh, I'm still ignoring the fact? I'm a bit anxious about Japan and my major project clashing but I'm also p confident future me will find a way around it.

I wanna also be more aware of sexist remarks against men (hear me out here!!!)

I still hate men. LOL Okay, whoops, okay, let's start over.

I will probably continue to be super mad at men for all the shit they do because fkn lol what else can they do except shit all over the place,

Okay, let's get more to the point. I will always be a feminist but this year, I'm gonna try and include straight men in that too [ew (sorry, it's 2017, I'll stop)]

Anyways I have a new plan of saying "that's not very feminist of you" when they say kinda gross stuff about guys when they cannot do anything about that certain thing. ie body shaming, objectification, idk what else but we'll find out.

Anyways, I fkn hate this new joke that facebookers have against sjw's, the whole triggered meme and shit like that, it feels so toxic. It's supposedly justified because it's aimed at really psycho people who complain about anything but it's become so much more than that? Now, whenever any marginalised group speaks up (usually women), they'll be chastised about it and everything will be blown out of proportion and it feels like such a step backwards. And we're back where we started with the white boys dominating the conversation and devaluing important social issues with fucking memes that cause more damage than they probably realise because they're self-righteous idiots. It's also interesting to see the term white person become a negative tho. They got so hurt, and yet I also don't think any of the ones who got their feelings hurt realised that that was how a lot of non-white people felt growing up and also that hurt feelings is as bad as it gets for them?

Anyways, back to new years resolutions lmao I got carried away.

Oh wait that was it, okay bye!!