"U N I sex, Joey"

So let's start off with what uni has shown me like no other - ie the transition from asia to a world of white:

1. White people with dreadlocks.
2. A sea of hipster shirts, like oh my god. Funky patterns, autumn leaves, pretty flowers, I drown in them, day in day out. You also notice that if you do see a pretty button-up on the train, 99% of the time, they'll get off at Redfern.
3. Nicely moustached people :)
4. "Cheers!" -> How do I respond to that??? Hand someone a sheet - "Cheers!" "Oh, um, thanks! Cool? It's alright? Do I say cheers back?? That's somewhat awks. "Cheers!" "Cheers!" "What?" "Oh."

There's more but I'll mention once I remember.

Anways, so uni - let's taco 'bout it.  It sucks, but not entirely. The work takes effort, and I've never been good at, well, effort. I just cannot count on myself, not even to save my own life. But there are enjoyable things. Have another list:

1. VSA is a great thing to be a part of. You get free food and the people are very nice. It's kind-of a place to belong and sometimes you get to dress up and go to fancy events or dinners.
2. I've made two friends in German. I count them as friends because they say hi and bye to me, which is nice. Class isn't as lonely anymore.
3. I remember when I started out, I was so alone during breaks. I sat on the wooden benches and I ate my food and read my book. I kept on pretending the sun was nice and the view was lovely, but it was always kinda cold and I always wanted to be in the view, with friends of my own. Sometimes, I would go to a learning hub to sit and and find a good wi-fi connection, so I could check out whatsapp. But now, I have ems on Wednesday afternoons, and sometimes I see Jubilant Jess at the hidden lounge and I study too. I also spend tuesday afternoons with maria, and those are my favourite parts of the week.
4. I've met more people with similar interests and we can squeal together about movies and shows.

Uni can be nice. It wasn't as perfect or lovely as it seemed before, but it's not as bad as it could be.

I wonder if my German class will ever know I'm gay.

I want to be fluent nowwww. I wanna say things like "you're beautiful" and "you're just like sunshine" and people won't understand and so maybe the words will be meaningless, but if they ever take the time to find a translation it'll make them happy.

I kinda still hate engo, by the way. So I've been thinking, and let's just have a bit more of future fears, yeah?

So I've been thinking, and life sucks. That was my conclusion. Pretty much, I know all I want is happiness, but how to get there is so strangely confusing. If I become an engineer, I'll hopefully make money, and I'll have a nice degree, and everybody will be proud.  But I may not be happy because I won't be following a career that I actually like. But it's life, ain't it? You put up with the things you don't like so you can survive. I still need to build an good future for my kids to live in. Ugh, and so I was thinking before, right? (whhhhaaaatttttt) And I was like, but I don't wanna engo, I wanna be happy and write forever and go do crazy things. Have fun. But now that I think about it again, I can do those things with an engineering degree. Pretty much, it stemmed from meeting an ex-canley student at kmart who Maria used to like. Maria and I were browsing stuff there after uni and then we saw him. He said hi and pretty much spent an hour lecturing us about life :L He said he was pretty damn happy because he was living out his dream and that's what  I want. To be damn happy. He talked about how he did what he wanted to do, and how he broke into an abandoned warehouse with a friend, breaking light bulbs and running from the cops. He talked about all the things he had done and how they helped him grow. But whenever I think about it, I can't help but feel that he'll fall. He'll get cocky or he'll burn up, too close to the sun. LOL sorry if this paragraph is a bit confusing but I was rethinking everything half-way through. And this is my new conclusion - life sucks, but not completely. You do have to do the things you don't want to, and you might become everything you said you wouldn't, but you can still sift in between all the beautiful things every now and then. You can still go to the beach and take tourist-y photos with your friends, you can still run crazy through the night and you can still feed your passion - you just have to grow up and do what you have to first. You can't have everything.

That's all.

Bye.