3AM

I can't sleep. I had a coffee at 10 and I guess that was a bad idea lol Realising that I wouldn't fall asleep anytime soon I sat up in my bed and turned the light back on. I spent a few minutes scribbling in a book anything that came to mind, hoping some profound, deep shit would come about but I ended up drawing silly cats with big eyes, swirly collar buckles and tubby legs. They had human eyes, the drawings were not accurate at all. You would think I had never seen a cat before but instead, I had a five year old describe one to me. Tonight's not one of those interesting nights, I guess. So instead, defeated by my own mind, I took a cigarette and a lighter to my backyard. I opened up The 1975's SoundCloud page on my phone and listened to Sex remixes, smoking with the menthol capsule broken and trying to take dumb selfies. They didn't work out, the smoke wasn't thick enough and the lighting was terrible. Defeated yet again, I came back into my living room and here we are now, blogging on the couch. The lights are off except for two lotus flower shaped lamps on the altar. They're on every night. Is there a timer? Or are they always on, day and night, I just never take the time to notice? Or perhaps my parents turn them on before they sleep as a goodnight ritual? Seems like something my dad would do after coming home from work.

I'm afraid this isn't one of those 3am rants that question the meaning of life nor are they the type that ramble about crazy things like where the moon sleeps or what would happen if pinnochio said "my nose grows when I lie". I literally just googled 'philosophical raptor meme' for an example lol It's just a quiet night and I'm just some kid who's legally an adult but mentally a highschooler who had coffee at a misadvised time of day.

I always regret cigarettes when I'm sober. My mouth tastes awful.

I'm very excited for The 1975 next week and Vietnam. I wish Jeff wasn't so busy. But he's right, the wait is always worth it. When we meet again, when I step into his house, I won't hesitate to kiss him. It's getting pretty hot down here. As in the living room is pretty humid right now. I should get to bed, I set my alarm to 10am and I have a 9hr shift tomorrow. I absolutely love the young ruffian remix of Settle Down. I really want them to do that version live but I know, you know, we all know that they won't lol I didn't get bitten once outside in my backyard, but there's this one hungry as fuck mosquito in this living room. Fuck you, mozzie, leave me alone :( Okay, one selfie and then off to bed. Goodnight/good morning, readers. Thanks for sticking w/ me. Lol, I'm on my phone so the selfie might appear at the top of the post... Bye!