I can be the drink in yer cup, lad.

I can be the green in yer blunt, yer pusherman, I've got whatcha want.

You wanna escaaaaaaape.

Hello, all, welcome welcome welcome.

I know. I haven't blagged. I haven't blagged since forever ended and for that, I apologise. But I've been busy.

• I got a job. It's across the street. It's v convenient.
• I'm a service person at Coles ffld, so if you're gonna check out, check out me - check out via me*
• Island gigantism or insular giantism is a biological phenomenon in which the size of animals isolated on an island increases dramatically in comparison to their mainland relatives.
• I am an arts student. This post is art. Trust me, I studied Russian avant-garde. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.
• I have absolutely no idea.
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• Let's discuss this.

 I don't like studying or doing what I'm doing at USYD. I picked up too many things at once and I'm struggling to keep it all together. I bit off more than I can chew, and it's going to be the death of me. And by picking up too many things, I mean studying, vsa and work. And of course, backing out of VSA would be the most logical solution. But I can't do that to them. I must do what I must. Eso sí que es.

So I've been thinking. Maybe I should take a gap year. I'll work at coles, and in my spare time, I'll work on videos. I'll work on my portfolio for a film school, and by the end of that gap year, I'll apply for AFTRS. And depending on how much I worked, I'll be where I want to be. This past semester, I enjoyed uni much more than I did in the first semester. I knew things. I didn't feel so useless. But, I still didn't like it hahahahha call me picky, call me weak. It's not that, really. Perhaps I'm wording this wrong. I enjoyed most of my units, I did. But I was truly happy in only one - film studies.Okay, okay, I know - not film again! Didn't we settle for education?? But I don't want to settle. And yet, such is life and life sucks. It's all about compromising as to survive, ja? But I don't want to be that person. I don't want to live that life. I mean, not to sound like the typical, stupid dreamer but is it really considered living? Living in fear?

I want to have more self-confidence. I want to strut. I want to truly believe in myself. But I don't. I hesitate every second second.

Let's make a plan for the gap year:

For the first few months, I'll release videos every three weeks. So that'll be like four vids or something, idk, and then as time goes by, I'll make more artsy vids. I'm gonna master editing. I'm gonna try new stuff. I'm gonna write so much more. It seems to me that the only time I write or blog is when I have an essay due hahahaha whoops. Anyways, I actually don't know what I'm gonna do. But hm, I'll create a system where if I don't make a video in a set amount of time, I will punish myself. How though...

Gosh gosh gosh, I'm going to ruin this. This plan can go wrong in a million ways.

I could end up not learning a thing and wasting a year of my life.
I could fall in love with the money I make and I could never want to go back to studying.
I could not make it into AFTRS.
I could get really bored.
I could ruin absolutely everything.

Eso sí que es.