Something smells like dog food.

And I'm afraid that it just might be my feet. I'm also afraid - too afraid - to check.So lately I've been dreaming about the future. Not the one where I'm a dazzling star, so happy and so bright, but rather the one where my life is... together. I dream about having a cute boyfriend where we do cute boyfriend things and he's got a cute moustache and really intense blue eyes where I can't stare into them for too long in fear of losing my mind but I do it anyways because live fast, die young, bad girls do it well. And I dream about doing well for myself in uni. I dream of being motivated, and getting really good marks and never losing faith in my abilities. I dream of keeping VSA going well - making events that surprise people. I want to be that young president who bit off more than he could chew and swallowed it whole. I failed to do that recently... But I can learn from my mistakes. And in my dream, I worked at Coles still, and I wasn't so nervous all the time, my manager liked me and I was efficient. In my dream I had the boy, the grades, the ability and the money. It was all good. And knowing myself, I knew I could be in the attitude that good things only last for so long but I was confident enough to believe that it could keep on going. I didn't let that attitude stop me. I could be happy forever. Sure, I would lose the boy with the curly hair and it'd be heartbreaking - but I would love him still and let him go at the same time and realise it was a fleeting moment of pure happiness and love and that I could have another - right up until the point where I found something that could last for at least forever.

But - and there's always a but - I do know myself so very and terribly well, and I know that I'll never obtain that attitude in the first place. Isn't that depressing? I dream about being on top and not letting myself bring it all down and I'm already doing it now.


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