I guess it's about time I posted something, right?

Okay, so I went to a concert lately and the guy was named 'Giraffage', right? And it was really fun! I love dancing. I just need to stop caring about what people think of me and just let loose. LOL As for the music, it was nice, I liked it. The people I went with were cool, very funny. I didn't know them so I was very silent in the train, but I was just laughing away at their jokes.

Anyways, so arts is aiight. Tests coming up. It's very strange, how big the change was. I had gone from formulae to readings, and I am not used to it, oh lord. But I'm determined, I need to show that this is what I can do. This can't be another engineering. I love it though, because I'm finding that I'm no longer sad, nor afraid. I'm not intimidated by the people around me because I have just as much confidence. I know, or I can pretend to know, what they're talking about. And I love it. OH MY GOD BUT ART HISTORY ANNOYS ME SO MUCH. My tutorials are pretty much me looking at paintings and nodding and going mmmm, yes, yeah, I see that. LOL Apparently Emily does exactly the same thing. And when they talk about art, the only thing that runs through my arrogant, little mind is "goddamn y'all are pretentious annoying ding-dongs". And I feel so bad, but I can't staaand that class. I just have to keep bullshitting myself through until I can move on :L

Or, until I make it into AFTRS :) Okay, I cannot get my hopes up, but I really want to get in. Or even NIDA. Because it all seems so cool. I want to walk the red carpet one day and sit in the front row at my premiere and be like, dat's mah movie. And people will clap and I'll live for the applause, applause, applause, I live for the applause-plause- yup, it got into my head. I didn't think she'd get into my head again but there she is. Say welcome back to 2010 :'( Anyways, I think, my biggest dream ever, the one thing I want to achieve in life so so very very much, is to be somewhere in the top twenty or so of bestest movies in the imdb list :L I would break down and cry if I got in there. Because, LOL, that's how I judge my fave movies. That's the one place where I've got all my fave movies from. Anyways, so I've decided to collect my love poems and make a video out of them for my AFTRS portfolio.

I know, love, ew, who needs it. But like, I'm writing all these poems and I'm getting super excited. OKAY, FINE, Y'ALL GOT ME, I'LL SPILL. So it's gonna be titled, "I Love You" (stop laughing, I know, whatever) and it's pretty much supposed to be love, but through the eyes of someone who's never loved. LOL It's supposed to be cool, hopefully it will be. And gosh darn, I hope I can get a video out by September :L Which is very close now, aye. ANYWAYS, HERE READ MY POEMS, I WAS SUPPOSED TO JUST NOT REVEAL THEM UNTIL I RELEASED THE VIDEO BUT I LIKE THEM TOO MUCH, I'M ACTUALLY SORTA PROUD, OH GOD, I'M GETTING TOO CONFIDENT:

The first one is: "Fae"

I’ve found myself constricted by a string of fairy lights,

And they keep me warm, I must admit.

Though I wish I could breathe, just a little bit.

Then there's, "Sweetness"

It’s not the cries of old men,

Who have lost age-old friends,

Nor the whimper of a lost child,

In an alley way-

He is lost,

But he must not continue being so.

It is not the death of a forest,

Or the solemn look of a forsaken dog,

That breaks my heart so,

Like the words,

“I didn’t mean for any of this.”

I have cried many times,

The underside of my pillow knows this best,

And I have yearned for solitude for years,

But never did I imagine that solitude,

Would be my downfall.

I had never for the life of me thought that I would ever hear the sweet, agonising words,

“I wish I felt the same.”

I had dreamed of the day that I would love,

And in turn, be loved back.

But like the old man who has echoed the word ‘goodbye’ a million times,

With every whisper of,

“I love you.”

I will step closer towards the end.

And it is then that you will know,

“I never meant for any of this.”

And here is, "Perfect Purpose"

There’s a haze now,

Of pastel pink,

Vision is veiled, and sight is lost.

You’ve shown yourself in colours,

Of baby blue,

And those that I’ve never seen before.

And it’s beautiful,

What you’ve done to me.

My heart beats an irregular rhythm.

It beats twice between every sweet refrain,

And I’ve named each thump after you,

One,

‘Perfect’,

and the other,

‘Purpose’.

My fingertips light up now.

They shine when I can’t find the right key late at night,

A bit tipsy,

And a lot scattered, lost and alone.

They glow like starry, little fireflies,

And I love the way they trace your jawline,

And chase your ribcage.

You are the breath in my lungs,

Right before the exhale.

You are the ocean’s tide,

But you are also the moon.

And I’m too afraid I’ll be swept out to sea.

I’m afraid the light won’t be enough.

And the very thought of this pink haze clearing up,

And the slight second palpitation disappearing,

Scares the life out of me,

So much that I’ll whimper,

And the very air that is you,

Will leave me.

Comment stuff, if you like, I love feedback. Constructive criticism breaks my heart but LOL It's v helpful, so please :L Anyways, that's all for now. A lot more has happened, but I'll tell y'all about all that later.