I will not let this pit be my home - I will emerge from this fucking funk and become something/somebody. I'm not quite sure how. But today was sort of a breather day. Not quite sure how to explain what I mean by a "breather day" but I dealt with a few things that were weighing me down just a little bit and it was nice. Taking off loads as I go.
Anyways, that got me excited about the coming weeks because I just have some sense of motivation to do things now. Just a few days ago, I was so sad and I just lounged and did nothing. I let down VSA usyd and I constantly let down myself. I was freeloading to the max. It was great but so undeserved and that's the worst kind of free time. And when you're given that kind of free time (always against your will), you realise it can so easily become wasted time. And I wasted so much time.
Grenadine sunshine, can you fade inside of mine?
I'm so excited for the things to come: Chet Faker, my friends going on holidaaaaay again so I can spend time with them (especially excited for Jess taking me to places hahahaha, tenks, #j), Splendour in the Grass, committee bonding, state retreat, more time with "N", late Friday nights, house parties, drinking with friends, trying newer things, shopping, getting Thai food with kik members, late night talks because we can - I miss these things so much.
I really do.
Top five things that have been on my mind lately:
1. Why do I keep eating so late at night? I just get so hungry and if I'm not eating because I'm hungry, I'm eating because I'm bored. I shouldn't hang out in the living room because it is connected to the dining room which shares itself with the kitchen. I keep eating eggs and drinking tea, this is not a nutritional nor safe diet. This one night I ate three boiled eggs in a row. They made my stomach feel weird and the salt I dipped them in (yep) made my mouth super dry. I should gym. All my friends are gyming. I should gym.
2. My sleep pattern is ruined, I'm finding myself sleeping at 4-5am every night. Every. Night. It's so damn unhealthy but I don't really feel ashamed. I just feel off, you know? Well, I obviously don't. I should sleep.
3. Skincare. I bought new face wash, I'm showering in the night and I'm covering my pillow with clean cloths. In fact, my pillowcase just came out of the wash. Get the fuck out of my face, blemishes. I want to be at my best, at last. I just want to be better than what ever this is.
4. I really enjoy making out, can we keep doing that? When is he going to invite me out again? I honestly want to get to know you but to be even more honest, I really just want to continue sticking my tongue in your mouth and I want to find out what it's like to- ... Let's not.
5. I should really find a driving instructor, gosheth.
Pick it fast like a flight far away from here.
Although I know I feel at home whenever you are near.
This week on Will & Will, I have no work until the weekends. That's five free days. Monday, did nothing. Tuesday, will probably do nothing. Maybe I'll cook something for myself. Wednesday, my friends are in exam mode, why did my week of no work come now? Why couldn't it have been at least last week so it could've come and gone quicker? Thursday, shopping with mariaaaaaa. Friday, I really hope N takes me out again so we can continue what we started, I MISS WRESTLIng tonGUES with the BOY !!! And the weekends, I'll be workin'.
Okay, this post was long overdue. I'm now publishing. Goodnight, lovers and readers. Goodnight.
#StayTuned
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