So it's a Monday afternoon in Berlin - 3PM. I woke up at noon today, I had coffee and lunch with my roommate who's also my landlord and so let's start with that.
Barbara is 48 and she's been living in Berlin for 30 years. I'm not entirely sure what she does but from what I've gathered, she does talks about Berlin history. I think they're called 'Barbara Lux - History Repeating Itself'. I decided to move in with her because I didn't have many choices to begin with but I loved the apartment and I could learn a lot from her. I was worried only because I wasn't sure if I could trust her but as more days go by, she seems more chill and she doesn't mind that I leave the house so often - for work or to see a boy. We have nice talks and we go in and out of German which is really helpful and she teaches me a lot about different places and times in Berlin. I guess the vibe is just weird because she's an older woman who's my landlord too but really that will pass. I just really want more pantry space but that will come with time too, I'm sure. Also, our rooms are right next to each other and it's nice to hear her laugh through the walls lol
With the pandemic, it's been rough but I have to keep reminding myself that it affects everybody and it could be so much worse. Before moving to this new apartment, I could not sleep. I couldn't sleep because it was so stressful looking for an apartment so last minute. I was initially going to sublet from my work friend for two months but their housemate did not want me to move in which is annoying but I get it but fucking annoying. Anyways, it's fine now and there's some gratification that they had trouble finding someone else and offered the room to me again lol On top of that, I didn't know the language which made it harder to find a new place (and probably one of the reasons said roommate didn't want me to move in). I remember watching Netflix with German subtitles and not recognising any words and feeling so hopeless.
EDIT: Just to clarify so I don't sound like an aggro asshole and also so it's not confusing: The apartment I was going to move into consists of three ppl, two of my work friends and another girl. One of my work friends had to move back to Munich so I offered to sublet because it timed well with me leaving my last place. It would've worked great for both of us ! But other girl didn't want that and I'm pretty sure it's because I don't speak german + she would've felt left out from me and my other work friend who is staying there. ANYWAYS LOL
It is a huge bummer that I moved here just before the crisis and I told myself in the first few months here that I should focus on settling in and save my party days for the summer lol So that was another major reason I couldn't sleep. I decided pretty early on that I wasn't going to move back because of the pandemic and then weeks later I would find myself thinking, "what the fuck am I doing here?"
ANYWAYS, living in this new place with Barbara has helped a lot with that! I do miss the freedom of living alone but it's nice to have more motivation to be more productive. IDK I just feel like there's more pressure to live a healthy lifestyle when there's someone living with you lol
I'm also seeing an Argentinian cook which is a bit complicated. On the one hand, he's very sweet and kind and he makes me smile. He also cooks for us which is a big plus. However, on the other hand, I'm not as sexually attracted to him as I'd like to be. And sex is a big thing for me, and it is for him too. We still have sex pretty much every time we see each other but I know deep down that I want more. And he seems happy with what we're doing now but I can also give more to someone I have more sexual chemistry with and I'm sad I can't give that to him. I remember when we initially started seeing each other, I was more leaning towards less sex and more friendship. But now, it's become more traditionally romantic and there are more feelings and it's nice to have that but a small part of me thinks that it's only because there's a pandemic happening. In saying that though, a bigger part of me likes being around him and having him in my life. So it's quite confusing and really, I just wish he was more my type sexually. Maybe we can develop an open relationship post-corona lol I dread the conversation though.
I just really want to go partying lol I want to meet other people and dance with people and hook up with someone hot at a club LOL I want it all baby!!!
I think I've always known I'm a bit of a hedonist which is fine because
Okay so it's the same as it's always been - I didn't finish the post and it's now the next day!
ONE THING I forgot to mention about Barbara: She fkn doesn't stop talking! It'll get later and later in the night and she just goes on and on and she has interesting things to say but omg. Anyways, I think she enjoys teaching me about Berlin so that's nice and I am learning a lot. I feel I have all this insider knowledge about Berlin now.
Anyways, I think I've always known I'm a bit of a hedonist. I have basically zero willpower when it comes to the many vices I have and idk what to do! I won't go into detail but I want pleasure and satisfaction all the time!!! And it'll impede on productivity also I'm not talking about sexual pleasure strictly LOL I would like to clarify that I am not addicted to masturbating!!! But one example is weed ??? I have a dealer now and I don't live with my parents and especially with corona, I basically became a stoner overnight which is so sad lol It wasn't like I was high 16 hours of the day, it's just that every other night I'd be like welp guess I'll get high now LOL And this next bit might contradict my statement about not being addicted to masturbating but jerking off is so much better when you're high AND pornhub made premium free to keep people at home LOL So ummmm it's not all my fault lol. Anyways, I always succumb to my vices and I hate it :( And it worries me for the future but um, we'll see I guess?
Anyways, most of that was because I was living completely alone lol
I fkn miss partying tho.
I'll write another post soon :) Maybe about the company I'm interning at. Did you like my little throwback formatting??
Thanks for readingggg
Will
No comments:
Post a Comment