Recount [LOL, um, this post goes over days, which is why it's so long :L Enjoy.]

3rd:

I've always been fascinated in three things:

• Drowning,
• Running away &
• Forgetting.

I just think they're really interesting and I like adding them to my writing. That is all. Note: I'm pretty sure I've said this before.

I would also like to marry a man with the last name Meadows. That way, I could also have it, and my name could always sound like a happy place. "William Meadows". I think one of the music tutors has it and it's such a lovely name. I'm not entirely sure, but it's something like Charlie Meadows. Oh my god, I love it LOL

Just a quick little thing about Trials. Ew, yuck, icky. I was not prepared and I was just not prepared. It will probably be that thing (if I were ever to reach a band six) that would push me down to  a band five (or lower, ahh). Ugh. Ew. Yuck.

Next: I did my drama trials for group performance. It was an okay performance, but the audience was silent and the blocks were in the way - THE BLOCKS WERE IN THE WAY.

Anywho, after that, we ate lovely thai and it was yum. And then, my drama group + huynh and eeh went to Jenn's house to do "essays" and "short answer questions". I didn't do any because I'm a lazy bastard, and I think I'd like to write my first essay on my 18th birthday. .... LOL That might have given it away. Anywho, one student was very weak to the powers of exams and was so adorable. Another student transformed into a tomato and another became a lot more talkative and fun. But apparently, when I left the exam room, one student started, um, feeling the heat of the room and taking off his, um, test... papers.... and another spilt ink all over the table and clogged it. ... LOL Yeah, things may get sexiful when I leave, but they also get hurty. So watch it, guys.

Also, I want a boyfriend.

Also, just a word about my drama group. I love my drama group! They're so awesome, and I've loved our times together. I love the three-hour, inappropriate talks at the lonely park, the laptop breaking, the horny guys calling wrong numbers, our rising from the ashes, the crepes, the strange, latin dancing/leg wrapping, the spastic, latin leg flailing, the nice ass, the unbuttonings, the shaking bridge, the virgin/non-virgin stories, the dong-ding! (even though that only existed between me and maria, and pissed the hell out of you guys), the mosaic penises with the wifi signal, the lovely pecs, the killer fan, the cockiness, the panic, Shirley the Jam-maker who became head-servant yearning for the top, Princess J. to moody servant who apparently IS NOT PREGNANT, the retired, pill-popping athlete, Joey, who became the brawny and somewhat daft gardener, the black widow, Mysterious M, who transformed into the gold-digging French whore, and of course - the rich-boy and (failed) magician, Bobby, who turned into an even more pathetic servant-magician. I love everything about you guys, and we created a bond made out of lust, memories and pecs. We'll probably forget our lines over time, but we shall never forget the times we had. Let us kick ass at the HSC. (We need a motto, so let's just go with this terrible line for now-) Go, THE SEX! (lol, told you so.)

OH, FINE-LOOKING BLACK GUY IS IN MY HEAD. I didn't get a close look at his face but his build - Mm. He keeps passing by in my head, but I never see his face. He is the nameless and faceless black man of my mind. Who... are you? lol.

My script is going terribly, by the by :L As in, I've had no energy to write :L I'll attempt to now. ...

22nd:

Okay, so lol, a few weeks have passed and I handed in my script! Whoo! I mean, I didn't really execute my idea well enough and hahahahha, I didn't triple-check but oh well. It's gone. I've handed it in. And, I guess, I'll do what Mars suggested and I will never look at it again. lololol, I made a typo when I was writing 'again' and it came out as 'agina'. That is all.

So guess what, boys and girls. DRAMA HSC IN TWO DAYS. AH. Goshy goobers, I am freakin' out, dude. Kinda. I need to fix my pitch and speed. Pitch. And speed. Hm. I reckon I can... Hopefully.

Anywho, the other day, I sat in English and I was quite sad. I thought about my script and it was always the same thing - it's not good enough and of course that led to you're not good enough. And that made me really, really sad and then that one idea came back to plague me - if you can't do this, what can you do? Because I don't want to be ordinary. I want a talent, I want to be really good at something, I want to be a prodigy! But of course, that's a tad (just a tad) bit out of reach. So I'll settle for really, really good. Oh, and I figured that writing might not be for me lolololol

Instead, I was thinking, directing. Like, getting all the credit, you know? :L I'll think up a cool-ass storyline, get some real good writers to do ze dialogue and I'll make it all come together. Like corn. ... Wait. And then, in the credits - DIRECTED BY WILLIAM MEADOWS. lol, that is my stage name, by the way. It'll be funny because after you fall apart and cry your eyes out from my fantastic, super-sad film, you'll go to a happy place. .... Lol, perhaps I am getting a bit ahead of myself.

But, I also pondered about my future - more specifically, the how. Or why. LOL, okay, I may not be entirely sure as to what this paragraph is going to be about. ALLONS-Y, ALLONSO! So, I know I'm going to get through a lot of hard times throughout life. I'll be constantly disappointed in myself, because hey, I am so goddamn lazy, and know matter how many times I notice it, or whine about it, I will not change. Because changing takes effort. Anywho, so, like, I thought about directing/writing and really, it's so stupid. As in, the main reason is because it's where my passion lies, but will I succeed? What's the chance of becoming big? THEY'RE VERY SMALL, WILLIAM. And really, the only reason to counter all the cons was because I don't want to study boring stuff :L As in, I'm just too stubborn to accept the fact that I'm better off at uni, but ew! I know it's naive, and childish and oh-so stupid, but ew ew ew! LOL Oh my god, I am definitely going to fail at everythining. I have no sense of... lol, there is a word here that I know but I cannot remember. .... It's on the tip of my [YET ANOTHER INTERRUPTING FUN FACT, BOYS AND GIRLS: 'Anomia is the technical word for tip-of-the-tongue syndrome when you can almost remember a word, but it just won’t quite come to you.] tongue. Hopefully the word will come later. But I don't want to spend my life stuck behind a table or doing something I don't want to. I really don't. I know I don't, I know it!

But what else can I do? Go into  a business where I have such a tiny chance to succeed? If I make it, of course I'll be happy, but there's a giant hole I could fall into. An abyss. And it's right in front of the oasis. Should I jump?

Also, about the directing, lol, that would be a bad idea because it means I need to be very organised. And I cannot be very organised, no siree. I depend on everybody else, and I suck suck suck at having power because I don't know how to use it. I always end up not trusting myself and having people check my actions before I act. It's a terrible habit. Ugh.

Oh, by the way, that fun fact, the anomia one - that was from my monologue. As in, I had that phase of writing my own monologues which was really bad. Oh my god, I was so arrogant. I still am, sadmjhdjsfjfak, I am so embarrasing, ughhh. Anyhwo, lol, I'll post all my mono's onto wattpad or something and if you guys like, I'll link you and you can check em out :) But oh my god, lol, I really am arrogant and the worst part is, I don't even have anything to be proud of. As in, lol, I just judge and criticise things as if I'm better when I'm not. I think there's a word for that. Somewhere... But seriously, I criticise EVERYTHING. I'M TERRIBLE. I have this horrible habit of just judging a movie right then and there because I assume it's just one of those hollywood movies with no special, artsy things, it's just there to make money and that's it. I really don't appreciate movies like that, but in the end, I end up enjoying them. LOL, I'm terrible, guys. I really am. 

And oh my lord, I really want to try a really emotional monologue. If I could pull one off, oh my lorddd.

23rd:

Okay, cool idea for a monologue. So I'm dressed up as a zombie, right? Make up and all. I think not too much blood. Depends on the plot. Anywho, come in, ankle breaks - "Aw, goddamn it." So, like, he's newly undead, and it's comical at first. He's like complaining about zombie stuff, like the booze keeps leaking out of the whole in my neck or I can never get into the right dead position, ugh. And as the play goes on, he starts getting more peeved but then the story turns a tad bit more intense when he starts thinking about his death. And then he starts talking about his past life - perhaps he was a

24th:

LOL, sorry, had to get off computer immediately.

Anywho, perhaps he was a neurologist or a salesman but yeah. [NOTE: Maria thought of a joke today where he's all like, "I used to be a vegetarian but now all I want is brains. That's meat! I don't want brains, I want grains!"] He thinks about all his problems in his living life and how he won't miss them but then there are all the small things in life that you love. Then unkindled loves, a future with a wife and kids, the luxury of sleep, home sweet home - everything that made him human, happy and content with life. He starts to then get angry. He gets angry about his death at first, but then he realises, what the hell? How cruel is that? If you're going to kill me, kill me. Don't bring me back to life. The piece stops being comical and he becomes furious. He's all pissed at the world, at life, and he starts to think about how unfair and disgusting life, or the lack of it, can be and he screams. He yells. It builds up to a climax, where he shouts, and in that shout, he chokes. Something's happened in his body. In his stomach? I don't know. Maybe his heart finally beat its last beat and now it's gone. You realise that he's losing his humanity. He goes behind a few blocks and falls. All you can see is his hand, lying on the floor next to the blocks. It twitches a little at first, but then it clenches into a fist. Then a claw on the ground. And then he starts to stand up, using the blocks as support. He breathes like a zombie, very deeply. And in one giant yell, he inhales all the air, and he CRIESSSSSS. HE YELLS, HE SCREAMS, HE MAKES THE MOST MONSTROUS, DEATHLY WARCRY IN THE WORLD. Loud enough to blast through several walls. Like, it's a zombie shout. It's scary, bro. It's deep and throaty and angry and ahhh. LOL Yeah, and that's how it ends. Au revoir.

Anywho, DRAMA. AH. WHY. NO. IT'S OVER. The Sex did well and Jenn did well and we all did well and well well well, look at what we have here. IT'S ALL OVER. WHAT DO I LOOK FORWARD TO NOW? WHAT? I PRITHEE THEE, TELL THY WOEFUL... GUY. ...

Photos:

LOL I love this picture because it captures the essence of our play. Jenn says something weird and we just all give her the look. And lol, jenn has that same expression she always has :L

The french mistress and the failed magician.

It's called art, ugh.

Checkmate.

The sad salesman and the daft gardener.

26th:

There once was a boy from Nantucket.

Who danced til his eyes popped into flowers, his liver flooded with glitter and his gut was poisoned

to its extremities.

Stripped dry of a home, he wandered into the desert sun,

no will to live, no heart to beat back into life.

 A ghost of lonely measures, a spectre of inhuman rights-

All alone - unfound, unnoticed, unloved.

Unastronomical.

LOL, I don't know why I do this :L If this makes sense to you, then lol, wow.

So I went to parra yesterday, right? And I got meself these new shoes. They're navy vans. And I was apparently very picky at the shop but they're shoes! They aren't cheap, dammit. Anywho, I had three pairs in mind. The navy, the grey with brown vintage-y stuff and the blue leather/wine-tasting shoes. I tried the wine-tasting ones on first and they were eh. But there was something about them. I moved on to the navy and they were nice. And the grey one I didn't try on. I asked the salespeople which one they liked most and they all went with navy but the navy was actually my least favourite, even though they were nice. And so I asked if I could see the grey one in my size but no siree, it was either too big or too small. So I just bought the navy ones because they were after all nice. But it's been bugging me so much. THE WINE-TASTING ONES. I know they weren't that great looking and the shop person himself was all like, oh, yeah, they're... okay. Nobody liked them. LOL When I tried it on, I even went .... oh... okay then. But when I left the store with the navy shoes, there was an itch at the back of my head going - you made a mistake. Why. THERE WAS JUST SOMETHING ABOUT THEM. And it's been bugging me ever since. Ugh. Dammit. 

This is my shoe.

And this was wine-tasting: 

 

I don't understand why I like it so much. The blue is a leathery material, by the way. Maybe it's because navy feels so ordinary.

Anywho, I got the navy shoes for my birthday from my brov, which is nice. Even if it's a tad bit late, I got vans, whoo!

Clementine: Joely?

Joel: Yeah, Tangerine?

Clem: Am I ugly?

Joel: Mm-mmm.

Clem: When I was a kid, I thought I was. [sighs] Can't believe I'm crying already. Sometimes I think people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid. Like you don't matter. So, I'm eight... and I have these toys, these dolls. My favourite is this ugly girl doll who I call 'Clementine'. And I keep yelling at her: "You can't be ugly! Be pretty!" It's weird. Like if I can transform her, [sniffles] I would magically change too.

Joel: You're pretty.

Clem: Joely, don't ever leave me.

Joel: Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty. Pretty.

They're under a blanket by the way, and he's saying pretty as he kisses her face. ... :L And yeah, it's a scene from Eternal Sunshine. And you know how it's about a guy going to a clinic to remove the memories of his ex, and the scene is a memory in his head? The scene ends with Joel saying "Please let me keep this memory." :(

Such a beautiful movie.

I should've chosen wine-tasting. I know myself. I know I don't want just navy. I want the unwanted. The lesser-known, the alternative. Oh god, what have I done?

Oh well, what's done is done. In the end, I got free vans :) Okay then.

Hey, I think I can publish now.

OH, and one more thing. Ahhh, formal is coming soon. I really hope we can take Whyknee's dad's van. Also, I really want a specific outfit for the ball and I really hope I can find all of it in time and for a decent price :D Bye.

Okay, LOL, more things.

I am so arrogant, you cannot believe. Again, just stressing. Oh my lord, I have nothing to be proud of and yet I act as if I do. I really need to fix that. Oh dear god, I want to punch myself in the face.

Also, I'm thinking of making a tumblr blog for literature and stuff. Like, my own writing mixed with other writings that I like.

Alsoooo, TROY FROM COMMUNITY IS SO DAMN FINE. I love him! He's so cute and when he dressed up as a sexy dracula in the zombie ep, he had a gorgeous body. And he was still as cute as always! AH. I don't know the actor's name though :L He's a comedian I think. And he might rap. Or I'm racist. Or both. Hm.

And this morning, I spent half an hour at fairfield forum looking for ingredients for a dip and LOL nope. I tried making a rocket and macadamia pesto dip but macadamias were too expensive and I didn't even know what a bunch of rocket looked like when I left the house :L So that failed. It was for the drama "debriefing" by the way, where we were to think very hard about how we finished the drama HSC practical, and we eat the foods we bring in :L My left foot is currently very numb.

Okay, I think it's time to post now. Sorry for the delay :L Au revoir. I'll post the link to my writings blog when I make it.

Future Fears IV

Unless that 'future realisations' bit doesn't count. Then in that case it's III. ... LOL Anywho, dreams are so bitchy. I mean, it's great - dreaming and all, but dreams are so out of reach. Or they can be. I keep telling myself that if I follow my dreams, I'll be content, no matter where it leaves me. But these feelings keep getting shot down by the realisation that I could become so much less. I could be just a small time director that at 40, dies his hair platinum blonde, shaves his sides and ties his hair up like a pineapple. He enters film festivals whenever he can but has only ever reached the edge of the better auditions, where the judges slowly brush him aside for the new, better videos. He'll write and write and never be recognised because he's just too minute to be. I mean, who wants to read his crappy crap-crap? Nobody. At all. Not even the friends who have by now left him or at least look down on him every chance they can. As painful as it is, it's a possibility. It's quite a big one too. I mean, we all get that terrible feeling that we're not good enough to achieve our goals. My goal is huge - I mean, only a filmic genius could become a world-famous writer-director who makes amazing, dazzling stories every step he takes. I don't have what it takes. I know it. It's so scary, the world ahead of us. And we can dream on and take risks but there's a big gorge between where we are now and our desired destination. Sure, we could have the bravery to jump, but who's going to catch us when we miss miserably and fall into the deep abyss of failure? I don't want to fail. I don't want to be the kid who comes last or the sad pineapple man. I want to be a star, and yet I'm only a boy with future fears. I'm so afraid of where my life will take me. If I follow this path, will I really be happy? I don't want to be a writer who is as renowned and loved as the dust between piano keys. I can't even write nice in my blogs. I can dream but I may not live it. The chances of becoming what I want to become are so achingly small. Perhaps I'm being negative but I am also being reasonable. The celebrities of today are always talking about how they worked so hard to get where they are, and they did, but millions of people work just as hard, don't they? And where are they? In the shadows, unknown and unseen. Okay, I'm being a whiny little ass. I'll stop. But future fears, man. I'm so scared. Okay, new paragraph, new mindset.

You'll never know until you try. Push through the rain, and you'll find the sun. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. No pain, no gain. We'll never reach the stars if we don't put our hands out. This is the life you lead - whether you live it to it's full potential is your own choice. Choose wisely. Dream on. Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

One Last Time

Yes, yes. This will be the last blag post before Trials. I'll come back when it's all over and tell you all about it. Hopefully, it will be positive. ...... Hopefully.

Anywho, let's start with BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT RISES. LOL it was good. I was a tad bit disappointed but all in all it was a good ending to the trilogy. I went to watch the midnight screening and there were a few cosplayers but not many. The beginning was, well for me, not the best. I kind-of cringed at it :O lol, as in, it was not good :\ But that's just me. And Bane's voice! Although it was cool and all, it was so hard to understand. He probably had a tonne of epic one-liners but I couldn't hear them. As in, when somebody says something, there's that dramatic turn that bane does to the other person, and then he speaks. It sounds like it's something cool, but you just don't know what it is. Ugh. Darn. But, in the end, pretty amazing, what with the twists and fanboy moments and Gordon-Levitt Jones. Or Joseph Levitt-G. Or Gordan-Levitt. ...... Is that how you spell Levitt? LOL Oh, and Anne Hathaway! Goshy goobers, she was cool! I loved how she'd go from the innocent act to the whole yeah, whatevs, I'm Bad tone in seconds when she was caught out. Oh my lord. But I felt as if her fight scenes could've been cooler. All the fight scenes could have. Oh, and the crowd was eh for this screening. Because it was the premiere, I expected the usual comicbook fanboy crowd and they were there. They just weren't loud. Which I guess was okay, but I'd rather the cheers. Like in Avengers, there were cheers and claps every time an Avenger did something amazing or said a really cool line, like the Hulk's "I'm always angry." So, although it was not as good as the Dark Knight, Rises gets a 7.8 out of 10 on my count.

Oh, and I've figured out some of Nolan's styles. One thing is that when he wants too show something that happened earlier, he gets a character to recount it, and as the character talks, he shows the scene of what they're recounting happening. And another thing he does with all his movies like Inception and The Prestige, is when he reveals a plot twist, he takes these scenes and changes them to show what really happened. As in, it's exactly the same thing, except the person is different or something. Like, say Batman talks about Catwoman stealing an All-Clear diamond, and so the screen shows Catwoman breaking into the diamond's safe. But, later in the movie, we find out that the Catwoman, is in fact Bane. And so, Nolan shows this same scene of Catwoman stealing the diamond, except this time, we see that the face is actually quite manly or something. LOL not the best example but oh well. And in case you're wondering, that didn't actually happen in the movie :L

And it's these director styles that I love! They're so cool. Joss Whedon tends to have a lot of fanboy moments and he likes to make you fall in love with a character and then kill them off. And there's Edgar Wright who has that fast-paced action thing. LOL that was a bad way of saying it. As in, like to show someone making milk tea or something, there'd be quick action shots of slamming a mug down, a steaming kettle and like sugar pouring into the mug, and there'd be that quick transition sound AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT. LOL But yeah. LOL just watch Hot Fuzz or Shaun of the Dead and you'll see what I mean. Great movies by the way - very funny. And Shaun of the Dead is by far my favourite zombie movie :) I wonder what my style will be. I wonder if I'll ever get the chance to have a style. Oh, also, I want to make tragedies. As awful and a bad idea as it sounds, I want to jerk tears. I really do. Okay, I probably won't make too many tragedies but I need a really sad movie that is in turn, also really good :L Oh my god, I want to mindscrew like Nolan does. But, other than being a writer-director-mindscrewer, I don't see myself being a Nolan sorta director. Because, well, he's really an action movie guy. I'd rather take the path of Amelie, 500 days of Summer or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. All amazing movies by the way. OH MY GOD, I WANT TO MAKE MOVIES :'( I want to write and write and write and WRITE! I want to be up there with the big guys. I want people to aspire to be like me. I want to inspire the waking artists, the budding directors and the newborn tear-jerkers. I want to be amazing, just like so many people I look up to. I wonder if I ever will be.

Anywho, moving on, SHOWCASE. LOL, so after dark knight was over, I headed home with my brov on the night bus from city to ffld and got home at four. I slept at five and woke up at seven to get ready for showcase. I was so nervous! We were still choppy and we really needed to get our lines and cues down. But, in the end, we prevailed and it went well. There were a few mistakes but luckily, they weren't too noticeable. Yay. And the other groups were really good too. LOL "I don't want to kill people and I don't want frizzy hair!" "We're almost at the sushi!" and "Shut up, pawn, nobody cares!". lol, all were hilarious and really cool. I enjoyed them. And the monologues, oh the monologues :') I wish I had done a monologue. But I probably would've been really cocky, written my own, and then there'd be a trainwreck :L EVERYBODY WAS LOVELY. lol, but after the group performance, I had that same-old stomach ache :( It was terrible. But oh well, it went away. Oh, and my script was performed. Well, the opening and Venusian's scene. Here it is, by the way, Venusian's scene:

Barman: Hey, V.

Venusian: [Startled] Barman! I didn’t see you there.

Barman: Yeah, I never really see me either. Where are you off to?

Venusian: Oh, I’m just looking for the bathroom.

Barman: Well, it’s actually in the other direction.

Venusian: Oh, well thank you, sweet-cakes.

Barman: But you probably don’t want to go that way.

Venusian: What do you mean?

Barman: I mean, isn’t that the direction of what you’re running away from?

Venusian: No, no, I’m not running away from the bathroom.

Barman: But what exactly is it that you’re leaving behind?

Venusian: I’m running to the bathroom.

Barman: Is it home? Those girls who overshadowed you?  Yourself?

Venusian: I’m confused as to what we’re talking about…

Barman: Aren’t you tired? You can’t run forever, V.

Venusian: And why not? I think I’m allowed to do as I like. It’s freeing, this running, Mr B. I could do it for a lifetime.

Barman: Can you, V? I mean a lifetime is a long time.

Venusian: It’s amazing, what it can do. Running so far you lose your troubles behind you, running so far your heart begins to beat out of your chest, running so far you can fall off the horizon.  I could go forever. I could leave this dimension, and enter a new universe, free of shame, free of pressure, free of mind.

Barman: You’re not doing it right – dealing with your problems.

Venusian: But what if I don’t want to deal with them?

Barman: That’s the only way you can lose them, V. They’ll always catch up to you. Only you can relinquish them. Stop running. Your heart, your lungs, your brain – they’re going to implode under all this pressure. Stop for just a minute, V, and breathe. And vent. I mean, these could be your last moments. Might as well liberate yourself. It’s not like I’ll have time to judge you anyways, this building could come down any second now.

Venusian: There’s really not much to talk about. I’m only running away from home. I mean, it was terrible back there. Venus, the planet of love, luxury, and of course, beauty. Have you seen the girls from there, B? They’ll break your heart with a glance. Flawless, infinite, incredibly beautiful. I can never live up to them, Mr B. I mean, they’re goddesses, and I’m just a girl underneath their clouds. Every child is born perfect in Venus, you know. Maybe it’s the water, but for some reason, I  wasn’t. In a crowd of Venusians, I’m just a stain. A stain on my own fucking race.

Barman: You know prettiness isn’t all that. You’re beautiful exactly the way you are now. As corny as it sounds, inner beauty is the new blue, V, and it’s much more valuable than appearances.

Venusian: Not when you’ve lived like me, it isn’t. Do you ever look in the mirror and hate what you see? I do. And not only that, I look at every single part of me and despise. There’s so much revulsion in me, Barman. And it’s all aimed at yours truly. I want to be pretty, Key-Lime. And I know what you’re going to say. ‘But you are, V!’ Please, I am not pretty. Not yet at least. I still need a wider thigh gap, protruding ribs and a stomach so flat that it resembles a black hole. I need to get a different nose and I need to speak with a different pair of lips. My hair will never be the right length, the right shine or the right curl. I’ll always look wrong. I’ll always be the Venusian who didn’t quite turn out right. And this mirror, Barman. It’ll never leave me. Everywhere I look, every corner that my gaze falls into – all I see, is me staring right back at me, disgusted. And… I can’t live like that. I can’t look at myself. It makes me sick, who I am. And that’s not normal is it? I don’t want to live like this anymore. I just want to run away, but like you said, I can’t run forever but I’m trying so hard. I’m just- I’m too tired, Barman. I don’t know what to do.

Barman: V, look me in the eye.

The lights dim down and a spotlight shines on both Barman and Venusian whilst Barman stares into Venusian’s eyes and Venusian falls into some sort of a trance.

Barman: Currently, on this here universe, there are approximately three hundred and sixty trillion people living in it. About seventeen per cent of these creatures are Venusians, and only 0.01 per cent of these Venusians are decent, loving people. You are one of these. And you are so much more than the rest. You’re one of a kind, V, there’s no denying it. When you look into the mirror, look into your eyes. Go past the amber iris that shines so brilliantly in the sunlight, and into your soul. That’s the true beauty of Venus. And nobody has it as lovely as you do. You rise higher than the others, Venusian, you just don’t know it yet. You plague yourself with all this self-loathing and contempt when really there’s nothing to dislike at all. You’re much more than what you give yourself credit for. Put down that gun in your mind and release the tension on your stomach. And don’t break the mirrors that follow you. Look right at your reflection every time, and do what everybody else does. Admire.

Venusian: [Still sort of in trance] I still need to go to the bathroom.

Blackout. 

It's not a comedy. I just thought I'd stress that :L I just have a feeling that people expected a really funny piece and I didn't do that and when I asked people how it was, all they could say was it was funny, and I was a bit devastated because nobody got the sad part or something and so my script was a complete failure. Well, not completely, but I don't know. It's not completely or even mostly a comedy :( But some people liked it so I'm happy. I'll keep writing it and I'll see where it goes. And the Fej hesitated answering when I asked him how he liked it. Lol, the bastard. Wow. I just realised. I'll probably never see him again. ... OH, AND THE ACTORS. I had year eleven drama students act it out and they were lovely. Henry was a great Barman. He had the quirks, the cheer and the tone down very nicely. And oh my god, Patricia. She was the host on Eday for the seniors. Her rendition of Venus top-notch. She did it very well and I commend her. If she doesn't do a monologue I'm going to be very upset. I was gonna say punch a wall but that's a bit extreme and it would hurt my knuckles. It probably wouldn't affect the wall but lol, i don't want bruised knuckles. Who wants bruised knuckles. LOL, anywho, thank you very much year eleven students, Patricia, Henry and Jonathon, and that student teacher :)

Anywho, after showcase, everything was a bore :L I had nothing to be excited for. And better yet, trials is in a week and here I am blagging. Hm. 

And, oh god, I am not going to finish these past papers by tomorrow....

LOL, oh well. I'll see you in a few weeks. Bye guys! 

Dear Emily:

Let's go to Summershine Cafe, that same cafe that we go to with Timmus, Burton and Christopher Nolando every day to get a cup of a double frappo deluxe quartet chocco. It's that same cafe that all the so-called hipsters, us hipsters, from NIDA go to for a break from all that drama. You ask for the opinions of your friends on general topics like should a gal wear make-up and what do you think of so-n-so? You collect their answers in your handy pocket diary filled with fun typos, inside jokes and little quirks. We often reflect on these fun little features every time we pass in the halls of NIDA. Over the years, the jokes, lines and crazy memories pile up and before you know it, you've finished three pocket diaries. How crazy! We've both finished out degree, and I go into my post-graduate for play writing. Our paths separate but both still have fun. You start with small shows, and I start writing like crazy. A year passes and where at the same stop. Where do we go on from here? We need time to think. We need a place to think. But where? You wander tiny Sydney, through the crowded towers and bustling people, until you come across. That same alleyway with the same record-playing, suspender-wearing and blog-crazy students of NIDA. The memories start flooding and your left with an ear-to-ear smile. You think, I have time. Why not have a cup of double frappo deluxe quartet chocco? And there I am. With my cup of double frappo deluxe quartet chocco. We meet and talk about our exhausting past year and all the friends we've made and the things we've done. And then I ask about your pocket diaries You proudly declare six diaries finished. And then we continue to chat about all the little things that people did all those years ago. Remember Timmus's need to rub his head, always behind the ear, to think? Or Chris' love of leaving teeth marks in the foam coffee cups? And then an idea pops up in my head. You agree completely. After weeks and months and pretty much a year of planning, writing, acting everything. There it is. Our first creation - "Summershine". A play composed of all the little jokes, the strange quirks and the funny laughs and smiles that gathered up over the years in your six pocket diaries. The life of two aspiring teenagers unsure of what they want to do in life. So lost and stuck and confused, they decide to take risks but are too afraid. Two kids who are too tired to think of the future, so they observe the world around them. They watch random people with their random fidgets and dimples and chuckles. How strange and wonderful the world can be when you just stop and look. Worries are for the paranoid - it's time for some Summershine.

Bashful

lol, so I wrote a poem, you see, and I thought I'd test my SPEAK INTO THE PHONE AND I SHALL WRITE IT DOWN FOR YOU feature on my phone. Yayyyy- no. LOL Here is the vid:


 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMafdPevf0I&feature=youtu.be

Anywho, this is the original poem:

I love the way you love me so,

You take my hand and you never let go.

I love your stutter, your stare, your glow.

But there’s a pain you’ll never know,

For you live the life of non-existence.

And you only speak words of precious silence.

Although not true, I wish you would stay.

You make me strong, you make me brave.

But you’re only a shadow, a figment of nothingness.

You are a faux love, a distant, blue star.

Forever in my heart, but never in my sight.

You are the candle not yet lit, the soft, un-shining light.

And if we are to part, please don’t say goodbye.

Just let our memories fade, and our lingering touches die.

And this is the perfect version:

Love the way you horny song,

You take my hand and never let go.

I love you photo hipster your glass.

Idaho is happiness will never know.

For you live the life of non-existence,

can speak words of precious islands.

Balloon true I wish you would stay.

You amke me strong, you make me break.

Vaginia cider a segment of nothingness.

You are a I love a disc.

Florida in my heart never lies.

Your dick and will not let the soft and shiny.

Nfl odds park even say goodbye.

Just let our memories fade in a lingering taxes. 

lol, and oh my god, I am terrible at sad acting :L

Cologne

I think I'd wear that in the future. Not every day, but on dates and stuff. LOL When I'm all grown up, filthy rich and at least a tiny bit dateable. Anywho, can't seem to get American Boy by Estelle out o' my head. It's fun. I like it. .... I had more to say, I know it. Hm. Well, Snezzywezzy's birthday was a lot of fun. Twas twas, twas twas. Anywho, get ready for more future fears. Or is it future... realisations? Okay, so maybe getting straight into film is a bad idea. Maybe, I should take the sensible path and dance my way into- sorry. Got distracted. Maybe I should get some sort of an engineering degree first and then get into film. That way I have something somewhat reliable to fall back on and my parents will look at me. But, then again, I can't shake the feeling that I will only ever achieve unhappiness, regrets and crapcrapcrap, but then again, it's just, in a way, merely, delayed happiness, ya see? My desire can wait. I wonder what Christopher Nolan or Joss Whedon did. I wonder how they lived their lives. Did they know they were going to be great? Or did they take a leap into the unknown (but slightly known) pit of futurism, satanism, dancedancedancedancedance- apologies again. Goshgoshgosh, this is so hard! Ugh. Flergenbergen, I'm so confused. Okay. Okay. Cool head, calm tits, clear mind. I WANT TO BE A STARRRRRRRR. OH! I booked tickets to go see Batman Begins + The Dark Knight at the cinemas, and then when those two finish - the midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises. Ahhhhh, so excited. Triple dose of Batman AND Monsieur Nolan. Yay. Of course, I don't deserve it with the amount of study I've been doing. The amount being near zero. Estelle once said to me, cool down down, don't act a fool now now. lol. I think it's time for a new paragraph.

I think I need to get my script read out again. Not acted, just read out. Hopefully, I can get a few friendly peeps from drama to help me out. Also, I want to ask a certain someone to ze Formal but I'm too shy, I'm very sure he'll say no, and lol, rejectionnnnn. But everybody else is doing it :( I wonder what it's like being pretty. LOL I've been meaning to exercise lately but there's just always that one thing killing me, weighing me down. LAZINESS. LOL I'm just too gosh darn lazy to move the whole treadmill into the way. There are too many crapses in the way to move and worst of all - spiders. I know, I know. I should be better this, I can help myself, the only person standing in the way is myself but oh my god. I NEED A MUSCULAR, SHIRTLESS MAN TO HELP ME MOVE THE TREADMILL AND FEND ME FROM THE SPIDERS. Any burly readers, feel free to volunteer. LOL I just saw Michelle Po pop up on msn and her dp was of a man. I'm assuming it's a celebrity she admires. Hm. LOL I remember that time Jess linked me to a vid titled cute and handsome guy and it was just some 22-yearold who was in love with himself, silently laughing and smiling at the camera for forty seconds. ..... LOL He was pretty cute and handsome, but his douchiness kind of got in the way. Cut to next paragraph.

Whenever I'm faced with a difficult decision, mainly between doing something crazy or saving myself the possible chance of embarrassment, I always have this one thing that pushes me towards doing that crazy thing. And when I say crazy, I just mean something like telling a boy I like him or taking a chance yayaya. And when it comes to these horrible decisions, I always tell myself: William, do not forget, if you don't do it, you never will. And when that happens, you might have to face that same horrible question for the rest of your life - What if? And of course, I guess that applies the other way too - where I could regret actually doing that crazy thing, but I try not to think about it. So in the end, I guess I should ask that boy to the formal. But I get this feeling that he's got eyes for someone else, what with his I LOVE YOU, LOVE ME BACK posts :\ And he might not be comfortable being with a boy in public. And then there's the whole issue with my face and blahblahblah, too many factors to consider. But hey, no regrets, bro. None.
           
Anywho, back to my script. Mr.... I still don't know how to spell his name. Adrian [since he is no longer our student teacher (I'm talking about the Fej, by the way, our drama student teacher)], while he was still in Canley, said that he really wanted to read the ending of my script before he left. And lol, he never did, but I guess I could give him a copy at showcase or something. Anywho, he got me thinking - how in the world do I end my script. I mean, I had always thought I would just end it with one last crash and the bar coming down but like, it's only a fifteen minute play. It is a tad bit quick. So I thought and thought, and alas, I could not think of anything cool. I really want to Nolan it and mindscrew the audience but of course, I'm not quite up to that status yet lolol but fear not. I'll have something. I hope.

The future is waiting, bobs. Jump before it's too late. Or fall.

Whichever.

A Sad Song and a Script

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhQ5seprs6s

Yes. Yes it is. Well, what my take on it is that it's pretty much that "that's who we like the most - the ones we can't" kinda things. And you know, at one point in our times, we all have to go through that stuff and I just really like the song. .... LOL I don't know where this is going. I really want to see another dubstep fight scene. I remember when A-sassy-n's creed had a dubstep trailer and I was really excited and amazed that nobody had done that before and yet, it was disappointing :( I WANT A COOL DUBSTEP FIGHT SCENE, GOSHDARNIT. Anywho.  I still have no idea. Oh, but in the song, there are the lines "You know me, I love to lose my mind. Every time anybody speaks your name, I still feel the same, I ache I ache I ache inside." It's just so sadddddddd. There's that whole world falling apart thing and that romantic 'you came back for me' but then we're reminded that it's all just a dream and aeskfjlksjglkjsfdklldsg. It's a nice song. Anywho, where am I going, where, am, I... Yus.

QUESTION TO JESS: Remember that time you and Maria painted those big letters that spelt SNEZANA for, well, Snezana? Was that really a year ago? Or was it Christmas? I'm losing my mind here, Jess, I need to know.

Next topic of conversation. ......... I'm sorry, guys. Horrible post today. I don't even know why I'm here. Ummmmm, one piece is good. And I love the sky. How it spans across to the rest of the world - far beyond where your sight can take you. I love the clouds, so ethereal, so soft, so beautiful. I love the way the sun dances off of them. I love the blue, I love the brightness. And the best thing is - it doesn't stop there. Beyond the ocean of sunshine and cotton candy, there's the never-ending blackness - sparkled by stars, and draped by nebulas. I love the sky. I absolutely love it.

Okay, okay, okay. Because this post suck horrible balls, I shall enlgihten you with a script. LOL It's not all that and it has nothing to do with my Gravity one but hey, it was fun to right. It's called: WEDNESDAY.

--------------------------------------------

Marcus: Isn’t it obvious? Hair as vibrant as the sun, fingers as graceful as swans. She will come and destroy every piece of you, villain. And I’m afraid there really isn’t anything you can do to stop her. Can’t you feel that lack of lovely breeze, and that silent howl of wind? The shying of the moon, the stillness of the leaves. They are all signs that she is coming. Signs that mean the waking of the girl with the crescent shadow, the deathly whisper, and the midnight allure. The time, the day, the moment, the sway, of Shadow-striking Charlotte Wednesday. 

Iago: Oh please, save me the introduction. I need none other than the sight of this mysterious lady. But once this Charlotte witnesses the destructive powers of I, Iago Monday, she will runnest away like a little baby duck. So save your breath, Marcus Horseradish, for it will be your last.

Enter Ember, from stage left.

Ember: And yet you speak so much yo-self. Drop the act, fool. I’m about to go downtown on yo puny ass. If God will be my witness, see that I am defending an innocent man, and give me the power, as little as needed, to obliterate this pathetic little runt, okay? 

Ember begins to glow.

                You see, I am a soldier of the heavens. I’m a devil, yes, yes. But I am more angelic than of the flames. And with these full-blown wings, you will see the other side of life, choking and bleeding all over the road. I am Ember Saffron, the third Devil of Marilyn Manor, and now you will feel my God-like wrath. 

Ember burns even brighter, until bright sparkly flame-like smoke effervesces off her skin.

Iago: Wow. You actually mean it. You think you can defeat me? Think again, little girl. Lightning, hurricanes, hail and all. Strike down this arrogant whore, and with haste she shall fall. Winds of destruction, slice this duck ‘til she’s nothing but a bag of bones, licked dry of her own blood.

Thunder is heard and lighting begins to flash. A fan also blows into the stage, giving the effect of strong winds. 

                Where is your god now?

A strange, hooded figure arises from a trapdoor behind Iago. It is Charlotte!

Charlotte: Ekatón dýo. Antío, Iago Saffron. Eínai kairós na procho̱rí̱soume.

Charlotte stabs the man in the dark, as the light fades inwards toward the two until there is only a spotlight on them.

                Eínai kairós na gínoume éna me ton kósmo skiá.

Lights come back on.

Marcus: Charlotte. I… You’re here.

Charlotte: And yet now, I must leave. Bury the body at midnight. I will join for a minute to bless the grave then. Marcus, here is your bow, arrows and quiver. I apologise for not returning it earlier, when I intended to, especially since you needed it for this man here. Please forgive me.

Marcus: I can try, you dirty little whore. But I’m going to hesitate the next time you ask for something.

Charlotte: I said I was sorry. Oh my god, Marcus, why do you have to be like this? It’s not like you ever die when this happens. Maybe you get close, but I always save you. Come on, Marcus, jeez. Grow up.

Marcus: Me? Why don’t you get your own weapons, you cheapskate. And is that MY knife? Dammit, Charlotte, you’ve stopped asking completely now? Wednesday, you are gr-

Ember: OKAY, so yeah, thanks a lot, Miss Wednesday. Very much appreciated. But I guess I have to go too. Daddy’s worrying. And I have this sorta rebellious reputation to him. Ugh. I mean, it’s not like I asked to be born a devil. I’m sorry I’m not perfect like Jesus, daddy. But Jesus smoked once, too. He’s not that perfect. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM?

Marcus: … Yeah, you should probably go now…

A bright, yellow spotlight on the ceiling, directly above Ember, shines on her, as she ascends into the area above the stage. A church choir sings in the background.

Charlotte: Ten bucks says you can’t shoot her shoe off without touching her.

Marcus: Psht, Charlotte, you fool. You just lost ten dollars to the town’s best archer.

Charlotte: Horseradish, you’re the town’s only archer.

Marcus: Quiet, I’m trying to concentrate over here.

He aims and fires. He ends up shooting Ember in the stomach. The choir singing stops.

Ember: Ahhhhhhhhhh-

Thud. She hits the ground.

Marcus: Oh dear. We should probably run now.

Charlotte: Yup.

Exit Charlotte and Marcus. Blackout. Ember groans in the darkness.

Ember: Is nobody going to help me? …

Nobody helps Ember. The end.

Apologies for the colours :L