My day, my day, MY DAY - talkin' 'bout - myyyy dayyyyyyy.

So I had my first final today and it was aiight - up until the point I realised I did not leave myself a lot of time after the multi-choice. LOL I realised I hadn't thought this through very well during the test and well, goodbye last pages worth of marks. In other news, after that, I went to the lib to dl stuff for study and then I was gonna leave to go to the station and head back to Cabra but I checked tripview and I was gonna miss a train so I had to wait half and hour for the next. And so, in the wait, I wrote a nice little story. Actually, my life story (albeit a melodramatic version of it). It's called: "Mit Bleiben Schweben". Or "Zu Bleiben Schweben". It's supposed to translate to "To Stay Afloat" or "To Stay Floating". Actually, it might be Mit Bleiben Schwimmend .... LOL Forgive my German in this piece because well, I've only done a semester of German and I haven't done so well in it :L I'm pretty sure a lot of sentences don't make sense but OH WELL. Okay, lol, official name now: "Zu/Mit Bleiben Schweben/Schwimmend".

I think I've been floating most of my life. Growing up I never learnt to swim. But I knew how to float safely on my back and that’s how I've lived most of my life - I cruise through most adversities and I end up in the same spot, floating aimlessly but securely. And in this state, I've nothing to do but stare at the sun. Its beauty, it blinds, but isn't that the most valuable form of beauty - a beauty that can only be seen once, and vanquishes all sight, but still leaves the blind smiling? I can’t see but I can still dream. I float, I listen, and I dream. But over merciless time, I've developed a sadness.

And that sadness will be the end of me.

It tugs at the back of my sweater, and I know I mustn't let it take over me, but with every passing day it becomes heavier and rougher. I can only get pulled harder and one day I will no longer float safely on the surface. I will disappear from all existence, and only my tears will be left but they too will scatter in the vast ocean I subside in now and I’ll be forgotten. I’ll follow this sadness like a fool follows a witch and I’ll be hidden in dark depths, with others, blind like me, sad like me, non-existent like me.

---------------------------------------------------

It’s been eighteen years now. I've floated for eighteen and dreamed for twenty. But as I grow, I come closer to a realisation - a realisation that the dream wasn’t designed for people like me. It was designed for those who could swim to the shore, against the current, and stay alive. It was designed for the brilliant who could build wings or a rocket or anything that could fly past the moon and right into the sun. It was designed for those who were blind but running, hopeless and yet hopeful. And I could never be that.

The water reaches higher and higher along my cheek. I’ve stopped resisting. First my eyes will be cleansed, my mouth will be washed and my nose will be enveloped by the very sea that cradled me.

Legst mich nach unten.

Lassen Sie das einzige Geräusch,

Seien das überlaufen,

Taschen voller von Steine.

Goodbye, sky.

Hello, heaven.

And there it is. Just a note: The poem sorta stanza at the end translates to a lyric from Florence + the Machine's song "What the Water Gave Me". 

Lay me down.  

Let the only sound,  

Be the overflow,  

Pockets full of stones.

Anyways, so i went to cabra but I couldn't access the chem resources page on blackboard so I had to go home :( And I have not started working yet, oh my god. I saw this coming but I  had no choice! Except the choice to buckle down and do work straight away :( 

Anyways, also waiting for the train, after missing another one, i quickly wrote something for Jess :L

Dear Jess, you suck.

But not that much. Maybe not at all, but there are times when I have to question that. Like when you fly from point A to B AND DON’T WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING AND YOU BUMP INTO PEOPLE. This is a very pointless piece of writing. I’m really just killing time until I have to leave to catch my train. Anyways, some slut is sitting diagonally from me. Long-ass hair, actin’ like she owns the place. Oh, it’s you. What a coincidence. A big, FAT coincidence. Looool, jokesssss. Anyways, four minutes until I bid you Adelaide, Adele and adieu. Peace out homies, I’m taking my bags and I’m running. And I won’t stop running. Not until I reach the sea, and from there I’ll start swimming. And I’ll keep swimming until I reach land and then I’ll run and swim and run and swim. There’s no stopping me, and there’s no stopping. In fact, I’m running now. My bags were packed from the start. Probably forgot to unpack.

Well darn, I’m already tired. What is this, a forty zone? Let’s kick it up, Wills. Let’s not stop. Let’s - Let’s… Let’s take a short break.

And that was a one-man monologue about my life titled “Reaching, but not really”.

Thank you and goodbye. TRAIN TIME.

Well... I guess I should continue working. Wish me luck tomorrow, and the day after that and yet again, the day after that. UGH.

Guten Tag.